Well, it’s actually Saturday night as I write this…it’s been a hard day. We lost our sweet Munson today and my heart is all torn up. So I’m pondering tonight on heartache.
My oldest child, Christian, got Munsy Man while he was in college but lived in our home. Munson was the reason I got the name “Grammy” 5 years ago. Munson adored my Christian and my Christian adored Munse. When Christian and Bry got married, Munson left our home and lived with his mommy and daddy BUT he came to “Grammy Daycare” most days of the week. He was my “little man”, “the president” and “the perfect one”. Anyone who ever had the joy of knowing Munsy Man would tell you, he had a way of looking deep into your soul and his gentle eyes would say back to you, “it’s all going to be ok”.
Tears have been flowing for hours and it’s hard to type this because they just keep pouring out. I weep because I already miss him so but my heart aches for my son. To experience loss is hard but to watch your child hurt, it rips your heart out. No wonder Jesus taught us to see God as a loving Father! He knew that the depth of parent/child love was as close, as we could understand, to the depth of love He has for us. How tender He is.
Through all the tears and sweet memories that have been flooding my heart tonight, I pondered. I pondered on my Daddy God. I pondered on His deep and perfect love for His children. I pondered on a Parent who watches his children’s hearts break. I pondered on a creator that sees His precious creation die. I pondered on the one who gave us the capacity to love. I pondered on the ONE who restores all things.
As I pondered, as I wept, as I watched my child’s heart break … I had many questions that there were no good answers to. As I held my adult son in my arms … I felt helpless BUT one thing I never felt … was alone. I knew that right there in me and right there in Christian was the holder of our tears, the healer of our hearts, the comforter. The ONE who could hold my child even better than me.
You see, while I used to believe that He would come to us in our time of need, I now believe He is ALWAYS there. While I used to believe that He watched from above, I now believe there is NO DISTANCE between us. While I used to believe he would hear our prayers and send comfort, I now believe He inhabits our prayers and saturates us with His comfort from within. While I used to believe He looked down from heaven and was sad when we hurt, I now believe He is within us and feels our hurt with us.
While today was full of pain and sorrow…it was also full of Him. While today was full of questions…there is an answer I know to be true…God is love.
Just know this …no matter if you are hurting or soaring through this period of time called life…God is not distant and faraway, He is as close as your very breath. Some seasons of life appear sweeter and some harder but you have a promise from the One who created you…a promise to NEVER leave you or turn His back on you. You can laugh, you can dance, you can cry so much that you can’t breathe but you are held and loved in all seasons.
When we love deeply, we grieve deeply. We are grieving deeply … at the loss of a friend, a gentle soul and a piece of our hearts. Munson, you were so very special and you loved us so well. We will miss you “little man” but we know that since God holds ALL of creation within Himself, you are just on the other side and we will join you someday. Thank you Sweet Boy for the extra kisses you gave me this week…I think you somehow knew I would need them. Thank you “little man”.